I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
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