my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
