Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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