he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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