right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Randomize