My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
