i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
