she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
