His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
