why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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