so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So vagazzling was a success
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
