My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
