Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
