tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
