you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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