Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize