How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Randomize
