The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
