i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize
