And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize