Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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