did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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