4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
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