Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize