I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
