I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
