I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
