a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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