I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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