Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
