turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
