I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
