Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
