I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Are we still banned from the library?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
