Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
