apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
