The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
