I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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