Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Randomize
