i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
