I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
