his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
