youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize