Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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