WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize