I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
