HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
