dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
