No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
