I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Houston, we have a squirter
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
