You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
