I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
