is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
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