I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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