I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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