somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
