I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
