So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
