He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize