He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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