This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
