I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
