so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
