Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
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