he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
