I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
