before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
I met the friendliest cop last night
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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