WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
