when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
