tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
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