so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize