You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
