dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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